READING • 1 CORINTHIANS 7
Marriage is a serious spiritual choice
The Bible presents marriage as a lifelong partnership established by God. Choosing a husband or wife therefore involves much more than attraction. A disciple should ask whether two people can help one another remain faithful to God and prepare together for the Kingdom.
God intended companionship
Genesis begins the Bible's teaching about marriage. God said that it was not good for the man to be alone and created the woman as a fitting companion. Marriage is therefore presented as companionship, shared life and mutual responsibility.
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."
Genesis 2:18 • King James Version
The expression "help meet" in the King James Version means a helper suitable for him. It does not describe an inferior person. Genesis presents man and woman as belonging together and able to share life in a unique way.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Genesis 2:24 • King James Version
Jesus confirms the creation pattern
When Jesus was questioned about marriage and divorce, he went back to Genesis. He taught that marriage is not meant to be a temporary arrangement that can be discarded when difficulties arise. The two become one flesh, and the bond should be treated with great seriousness.
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
Matthew 19:6 • King James Version
Marriage is therefore intended to be permanent. This is one reason why choosing a partner requires patience, prayer and careful thought before a commitment is made.
Marriage is not compulsory
Although marriage is a gift from God, the New Testament does not teach that every disciple must marry. Paul himself was unmarried and explained that an unmarried believer may be able to serve God with fewer family responsibilities. At the same time, he recognised that marriage is right and appropriate for many people.
A disciple should not marry simply because of pressure from family, friends or society, or because of fear of remaining single. It is better to remain unmarried than to enter a marriage that is spiritually unwise or entered into without genuine commitment.
Single disciples are complete disciples
Marriage can bring great joy, but it is not a requirement for salvation or usefulness in God's service. A single brother or sister can live a full, faithful and fruitful life in Christ.
Choose "only in the Lord"
One of the clearest principles for choosing a marriage partner is found near the end of 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is speaking directly about a widow who is free to marry again, but the principle is highly important for every disciple considering marriage.
"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."
1 Corinthians 7:39 • King James Version
To marry "in the Lord" means that faith is not an optional extra added to the relationship later. The couple share allegiance to Christ and are able to encourage one another in prayer, Bible reading, worship, service and hope for the Kingdom.
Why shared faith matters
AREA OF LIFE
WHY SHARED FAITH MATTERS
Worship
Husband and wife can pray, read Scripture and worship together rather than pulling in different directions.
Children
They can agree about teaching their children the Bible and bringing them up in the ways of God.
Priorities
Decisions about time, money, work and service can be made from the same spiritual foundation.
Moral choices
They begin with the same authority - the Word of God - when deciding what is right.
Difficult times
Shared hope and prayer can strengthen the marriage through illness, loss, disappointment and pressure.
The future
Both are looking towards the return of Jesus and the Kingdom of God.
Do not be unequally yoked
Paul uses a memorable picture in 2 Corinthians 6. Two animals joined by a yoke need to move in the same direction. If they constantly pull against one another, the work becomes painful and difficult. The passage is broader than marriage, but its principle has an obvious application when choosing the person with whom we intend to share our whole life.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?"
2 Corinthians 6:14 (excerpt) • King James Version
This does not mean that a believer should be unfriendly towards people who do not share the faith. It means that the closest and most binding partnership of life should not be entered carelessly when the two people have fundamentally different spiritual loyalties.
Do not marry someone hoping to change them
It can be tempting to begin a relationship with a Bible reader and hope that the relationship will bring that person to faith. That is a dangerous basis for marriage. Preaching the gospel is right, but courtship should not be used as a method of conversion.
Someone may appear interested in the Bible because they are interested in the believer. Once the relationship is established, the spiritual interest may disappear. A wise disciple looks for evidence that faith is genuine and personal, not dependent on the prospect of marriage.
A helpful question
If this relationship ended tomorrow, would the other person still want to follow Christ? If the answer is uncertain, more time is needed before considering marriage.
What if one partner becomes a believer after marriage?
This is different from deliberately choosing an unbelieving partner. In the first century, the gospel sometimes reached only one member of an existing marriage. Paul taught that if the unbelieving husband or wife was willing to continue the marriage, the believer should not end it simply because faith was now different.
"If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away."
1 Corinthians 7:12 • King James Version
Paul gives the same instruction to a believing wife in verse 13. The believer should live faithfully, peacefully and lovingly, without trying to force conversion. Verse 16 itself shows that the believing partner cannot assume that he or she will save the other.
Character matters more than appearance
Attraction has a natural place in choosing a partner, but appearance alone cannot sustain a marriage. Beauty and physical strength change with time. Character, faithfulness, kindness, patience and spiritual maturity become more important as the years pass.
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
Proverbs 31:30 • King James Version
The principle is equally important when a woman is choosing a husband. A handsome appearance is not a substitute for godliness. Ask what sort of person this is when disappointed, tired, criticised, tempted or under pressure.
Look for the fruit of a godly character
LOOK FOR
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
Faith
Does this person genuinely believe the gospel and make God part of everyday life?
Kindness
How do they speak to family, strangers, older people and those who cannot benefit them?
Self-control
Can they control anger, sexual desire, alcohol, spending and impulsive behaviour?
Honesty
Do their words and actions agree? Can they admit when they are wrong?
Responsibility
Do they keep commitments and take work, money and practical duties seriously?
Humility
Can they listen, apologise, learn and accept advice?
Service
Do they think only about themselves, or do they willingly help others?
Bible examples: principles, not formulas
Genesis 24 tells how a wife was sought for Isaac from Abraham's wider family rather than from the surrounding Canaanites. The chapter emphasises prayer, providence, family involvement and Rebekah's willing agreement. It should not be treated as a formula for arranged marriage, but it shows how seriously a faithful family regarded the spiritual direction of marriage.
Ruth provides another valuable example. Ruth did not travel to Bethlehem in order to find a husband. She chose loyalty to Naomi and faith in the God of Israel. Her character became known to Boaz, who described her as a virtuous woman. Their marriage grew from faithfulness, kindness and honour rather than from a hurried search for romance.
Do not force Bible stories into modern courtship
The details of Isaac and Rebekah or Ruth and Boaz belong to their own time and circumstances. The lasting lessons are prayer, godly character, willing commitment, wise counsel and shared faith.
Take time before making a promise
Marriage joins two lives, two families and many practical responsibilities. Strong feelings can make people overlook serious differences. Time gives character an opportunity to show itself and allows difficult subjects to be discussed before promises are made.
TALK ABOUT
WHY IT MATTERS
Faith and ecclesial life
Where will you worship? How important are meetings, Bible reading, preaching and service?
Children
Do you both want children? How would you teach and discipline them?
Money
What are your attitudes to debt, saving, giving, spending and financial responsibility?
Work and location
Could employment, migration or family responsibilities pull you in different directions?
Family relationships
What expectations do you have concerning parents, relatives and caring responsibilities?
Conflict
How do you respond when you disagree? Can you talk without threats, contempt or manipulation?
Sexual boundaries
Can you both respect God's teaching and one another before marriage?
Health and major obligations
Are there important matters that should be honestly discussed before marriage?
Use wisdom and seek counsel
A person in love may not see warning signs clearly. Trusted parents, mature brothers and sisters, or other wise believers may notice things that are difficult to see from inside the relationship. Advice is not infallible, but refusing to listen to every concern is itself a warning sign.
No one else should choose a husband or wife for you. The final responsibility belongs to the two people involved. But wise counsel can help them make that decision with open eyes.
Courtship should honour God
A couple who hope to marry should not behave as though they are already married. Lesson 53 considered the Bible's teaching that sexual intimacy belongs within marriage. Choosing a partner therefore also includes learning self-control together.
Pressure, coercion and manipulation have no place in a Christian relationship. Genuine love respects the other person's conscience and never demands conduct that would make either person ashamed before God.
A relationship should make discipleship stronger
If a relationship repeatedly draws you away from prayer, Bible reading, meetings, honesty or sexual self-control, do not assume marriage will repair the problem. Marriage usually magnifies habits that already exist.
Marriage requires sacrificial love
Choosing a partner is not only about asking, "Will this person make me happy?" The disciple should also ask, "Am I prepared to love, serve, forgive and remain faithful to this person?" Paul describes marriage using Christ's self-giving love for the ecclesia as the pattern.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Ephesians 5:25 • King James Version
Paul also teaches respect within marriage. The chapter cannot rightly be used to justify domination, cruelty or selfishness. The model is Christ, whose leadership is expressed in love and self-sacrifice.
"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
Ephesians 5:33 • King James Version
Marriage is intended for life
Scripture strongly stresses the permanence of marriage, but difficult real-life situations still arise. Jesus condemns casual divorce and points back to God's intention from creation. Matthew 19 also records his teaching concerning sexual immorality, while 1 Corinthians 7 addresses separation and desertion in an existing marriage.
These passages should never be used lightly either to excuse the breaking of a marriage or to trap someone in danger. Situations involving adultery, abandonment, coercion or abuse may be complex and should be handled with careful scriptural, pastoral and, where necessary, legal advice. The basic principle remains: marriage is a covenant to be entered seriously and preserved faithfully.
If you cannot find a suitable partner
A believer may sometimes meet a suitable partner from another part of the country or even another country. Modern travel and communication can widen fellowship, but marriage should never become a desperate search.
Do not lower spiritual standards because you fear being alone. Do not rush into a distant or online relationship without taking reasonable steps to know the person, their family circumstances and their genuine faith. If no suitable partner is available, Scripture gives honourable examples of disciples who remained unmarried and served God faithfully.
Online and long-distance relationships
Modern communication can help believers meet people they would otherwise never know, but it can also make deception easier. Take time. Verify identity and circumstances. Meet safely and, where possible, allow families and trusted believers to become acquainted with the relationship. Secrecy is rarely a healthy foundation for marriage.
WISE PRACTICE
BE CAUTIOUS IF...
Allow time for the relationship to develop
There is pressure for a rapid engagement, marriage, money transfer or travel.
Meet in ordinary, safe settings
The person repeatedly avoids meeting family, friends or ecclesial contacts.
Be open with trusted people
You are being asked to keep the relationship secret.
Check that faith is real and independent
Bible interest appears only when marriage is being discussed.
Discuss practical realities
Important facts about work, previous relationships, debts or family are hidden or constantly changing.
A partnership directed towards the Kingdom
A Christian marriage is more than two people sharing a house. Husband and wife can help one another towards eternal life. They can read the Bible together, pray together, serve others, welcome fellow believers, teach their children and strengthen one another when faith is weak.
That is why the choice of a marriage partner is so important. The best question is not simply, "Do I love this person now?" but also, "Can we walk together as disciples of Jesus for the rest of our lives?"
What have we learned?
1. God created marriage as a close companionship between a man and a woman who become one flesh.
2. Jesus teaches that marriage is intended to be a permanent bond and should never be entered casually.
3. Marriage is a gift, not a requirement. A single disciple can live a complete and faithful life in Christ.
4. A believer choosing marriage should seek a partner who is genuinely "in the Lord" and shares the same faith and hope.
5. Do not enter a relationship assuming that marriage will convert or spiritually change the other person.
6. If one person becomes a believer after marriage, Paul teaches the believer to preserve the marriage where the unbelieving spouse is willing to remain.
7. Character, faithfulness, kindness, self-control and responsibility matter more than appearance alone.
8. Take time to discuss faith, children, money, family, work, conflict and other practical matters before marriage.
9. Courtship should respect biblical sexual boundaries and should strengthen rather than weaken discipleship.
10. Wise counsel is valuable, especially when strong emotions make warning signs difficult to see.
11. A godly marriage is a partnership in which husband and wife help one another prepare for the return of Jesus and the Kingdom of God.
Passages to read
Genesis 2:18-24 • Genesis 24 • Ruth 1-4 • Matthew 19:3-9 • 1 Corinthians 7 • 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 • Ephesians 5:21-33 • Colossians 3:12-19 • Proverbs 31:10-31 • 1 Peter 3:1-9
VERSE TO LEARN • 1 CORINTHIANS 7:39
"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."
CHRISTADELPHIAN BIBLE MISSION • 5
CHRISTADELPHIAN BIBLE MISSION • 5