Correspondance Course - Lesson 32

Reading : 1 Corinthians 7

Marriage is an agreement entered into before witnesses and registered by State officials, whereby one man and one woman agree to live together. Everyone thus knows their intentions, and so a marriage forms a sound basis for bringing up children who can feel secure as part of a family.

Christian marriage is that, and more. The promises made before witnesses are also made in the presence of God, and they are to be lasting promises. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).

The Divine ideal is that one man and one wife should live together always

Man and Wife

God made the first woman. Eve, out of Adam's side (Genesis 2:21-24). He could have made her out of the dust of the ground, just like Adam, but he wanted to teach Adam, as well as us, that man and wife belong together and are to live as though they were "one flesh" (verse 24). This is the secret of a happy Christian marriage: a husband and wife who live to help, strengthen and enjoy one another, in the daily awareness of the presence of God.

But not everyone has to marry. Jesus Christ remained single, and so, as far as we know, did the apostle Paul, although he said he could have had a wife if he wanted one. The fact is that some people are made in such a way that they prefer to stay single, and others need the company and support of a husband or wife. Paul advised those in Corinth, to whom he wrote in a time of trouble for the believers (1 Corinthians 7:26), that they should only marry if they really needed to. Some people are better able to serve God if they remain single (verses 32-35), others need to marry (verses 2-9). It is all a matter of our individual bodily and mental make-up.

Marriage is an arrangement God has provided. It is not a convenient way of getting a housekeeper free of charge, or for finding a man to look after you. There are important principles to learn and practise if the marriage is to be pleasing to God, and we will trace them through from the time a man thinks of finding a wife, or a woman decides she would like to be married. A separate lesson will deal with some problems in marriage, because of local marriage customs or different behaviour.

Sex before Marriage

The first thing to understand is that sex is something God created, but He does not want it practised outside of marriage.

The Bible condemns all sexual abuse. Sex before marriage and outside marriage, prostitution, homosexuality and bestiality are all specifically condemned. The proper and only place for sex is within marriage. The Bible says:

"Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind . . . shall inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9,10).

That does not mean that if we have been foolish in the past, and have committed such sins, that we have no hope of forgiveness. The apostle goes on to say to the Corinthians that some of them had once been sinners like that (verse 11) but that they had been "washed", "sanctified" and "justified" in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. If in our past lives we have done such foolish things, now we must stop, repent of those sins, and ask God for forgiveness. Then at our baptism into the saving name of Jesus, we can be given a new start in life.

Sex within marriage is a gift from God; it is a blessing designed among other things to bring children into a loving caring family. There is no commandment that Christians must have as many children as possible € some churches encourage that just to increase the number of church members. Parents will want to consider their family circumstances before deciding how many children to have and, as in everything else in family life, husband and wife should discuss the matter to reach agreement about a planned family. But sex is also a God-given way of allowing husband and wife to express their love for one another in a very special way (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

Finding a Husband or Wife

When a follower of Christ decides to get married, he or she will want to know what sort of person to marry, and the Bible gives a clear command which should be obeyed.

Believers should marry believers

If they are to live together as spiritual partners (the apostle Peter calls them "heirs together of the grace of life" € 1 Peter 3:7), they must share the same faith, the same understanding about what the Bible teaches. A believer who marries an unbeliever will find difficulty and conflict in the marriage. So it is no wonder the inspired apostle Paul said:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together (married) with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14),

and in respect of a widow:

"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39).

Living together

A caring Christian husband, and a devout Christian wife are a great blessing, both to one another and to those with whom they worship God. For the husband-to-be and the husband, the pattern for family life is always that set by the Lord Jesus Christ. His was a very high standard of love and care for all those he met in life. Yet, writing to the Ephesians, the apostle Paul explained that husbands are to behave in the family just as Christ behaved towards his followers:

"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body . . . Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (5:23-25).

Being head of the family does not mean that the husband is allowed to boss everyone around € expecting everything to be done in answer to his commands, and having his own way all the time. That was not how Jesus exercised leadership over his disciples-he was among them as one who served (Luke 22:27), and he considered the needs of other people more important than his own. It does, however, mean giving a firm and positive lead, setting a good example, being in charge of all aspects of family life, and talking things through with all the other members whenever there are important decisions to be made.

Most of all, it means that the husband has to lead the family in worship and instruction, to lead family prayers and daily Bible reading. It was said of Abraham by God, ^/// know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment" (Genesis 18:19). So, the husband should regard himself as the head over the family, responsible for their lives before God, and he should think of his home as the Christian church in miniature. Indeed, if there are no other believers nearby, this may be the only opportunity he has to worship God in the company of others, and he should involve his family in that worship to instruct them in the ways of God, although only baptized believers will share in the bread and wine.

In some countries, the pattern of working life has so developed that the women in the family do most of the heavy work. A Christian marriage is a partnership, and the husband who wants to keep God's commandments will be keen to share all the burdens of life with his wife and family. He will want to give "honour to the wife, as unto the weaker vessel" (1 Peter 3:7), and to love her as much as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:28). This sort of spiritual and practical partnership will be a joyful experience for the whole family. Finding a way of working together and of sharing tasks will be an excellent way of showing neighbours just what true Christianity is like.

A Christian Wife

So far we have looked at the duties and responsibilities of the Christian husband, but he can only exercise those functions if he has a wife who is prepared to play her proper part. There may be no believing women living nearby, in which case the husband-to-be will want to find someone who is willing to learn the true gospel and accept the way of salvation taught in the Bible (by faith and baptism). Some people who read this course will already be married, to a wife or husband who is not studying with them, and that is something to be considered in the next lesson. But the man who wants a wife will have in mind the need to find a spiritual partner, someone who can share all aspects of his life in Christ, and the same is true for a Christian woman who wants to marry.

Just as Eve was created from Adam and for Adam, so wives are to be good for their husbands. There is a delightful word picture of a good wife in Proverbs chapter 31. A "virtuous woman", is shown there as one her husband can trust absolutely, who "will do him good and not evil all the days of her life" (verse 1 2). She is a hard worker for herself and her family, she is kind and understanding, and she is one "that feareth the Lord" (verse 30).